Fear of judgment ruins our grand plans. Worrying about what other people will think is stopping us from making the changes and taking the chances we want to take with our lives and careers. When facing what others will think, especially when you want to try something new, it’s enough to make a person turn back. But what makes us so scared of judgment? Why can’t we stop giving a fuck what others think about us and our choices?
It could be simple. Decide on a new direction to take your life, try new things, switch a career, change your relationship status, start something that you haven’t done. Easy, right? Wrong. We dither and whimper. We make drama and excuses. There is worry about what the people in our family, community or workplace once we start to go against the grain and make that thing real.
My aim is to teach you how to sidestep that worry about what everyone will think. Your life and your big decisions are yours to make the most of. Stopping that process is seriously stopping you from having the life you’ve been envisioning. Read on and learn how to follow your own judgment and stop giving a fuck about what anyone else thinks of your choices.
In order to understand why you do this, there are two reasons. One is that you have crab mentality – you believe that you shouldn’t climb to high for fear of getting pulled down. Crab mentality or crabs in a bucket is a way of thinking best described by the phrase “if I can’t have it, neither can you”. The metaphor is referring to a bucket of live crabs, some which could easily escape. But other crabs pull them back down to prevent any from getting out, creating a collective failure. The human equivalent is that people in a group will attempt to cut down the self-confidence of any person who reaches success beyond everyone else, out of envy, spite, conspiracy, or competitive feelings, to stop their progress.
Do the people in your world have your best interests at heart? Have you noticed that when you share your hopes and dreams with certain people, they don’t support you in their words or actions? Take a good look at who is supportive of you and your ambitions, no matter how weird and wacky. Those are the ones who you will want to cultivate deeper relationships with. Try to limit the amount of time you spend with people who spread negativity or doubt. They are likely projecting their own fears on your dreams, and you don’t have time to waste on that! This process to stop giving a fuck starts with you identifying the thoughts and people who are holding you down. Then you can gently let go of them with love, or at least limit the time you spend talking about your dreams with them.
Stop giving a fuck: Tall poppy syndrome
The second way to look at this problem is by labeling it “tall poppy syndrome”, which we experience as a culture that loves to tear down people of high status. This limitation means that you get stopped in your tracks is because you are afraid of being resented, attacked, cut down, strung up or criticised because you are “better than” your peers. The story plays out by you not being the brilliant human that is full of potential, new ideas, and creativity because there is not enough power and prestige to go around,
Our fear is that we will be cast out by the tribe for being too different. Belonging is important, so doing anything that is deemed “risky” causes a lot of anxiety. Whether you are choosing to live your life in an unconventional way, making a decision about how you make your money or spend your workday, there are lots of things you SHOULD be doing, according to your beliefs. These belief systems are the invisible rules of society….but are these rules really REAL?
IDENTIFY YOUR FEARS
Is any of this sounding familiar to you? Your job is to now find what fears are holding you back. Who or what is stopping you from actually going out and doing these things? Take some time to think about your own fears and limiting beliefs, or what others are saying and projecting on you. They might tell you “be safe”, or get you discouraged because you “don’t know how to do it.” You might be paralyzed by the judging words of others. Write it all down or talk about it with a trusted friend or your coach. Examine and name your fears like your life depends on it – because it actually does.
Once you name your fears and write about them, keep learning about them and why they are holding you back. Unravel what you think is true from what is actually true for you. The answers may surprise you. Once you look at these barriers, you are on the next step to stop giving a fuck.
Stop giving a fuck: Put yourself first
Now that you have freed up more time for the things you give an actual fuck about, it’s time to practice putting yourself first. This means deciding for yourself what and where to put your attention. We get taught that putting ourselves first is selfish. But taking care of your own needs and wants is the key to having a happy life without fear of judgment.
It’s YOUR life, and there is no reason someone or some societal rule should dictate how you want to live, work or love. Practice always thinking about what is best for you. Learn about what makes you happiest, and think about what needs to happen in order for you to reach that state. Maybe you need a regular time to practice piano, de-clutter your life, or finally just sell all your stuff and leave in a sweet camper van over the horizon. That fear that is stopping you deserves examination. There is nothing more important that you finding what works for YOUR life.
BEATING THIS ONCE + FOR ALL
Stop looking outside of yourself for answers. Ask only the questions of yourself, not your friends or your psychic or your mentors. Of course, your trusted friends and family can give you advice if you ask for it. But always know their opinions are full of their own unconscious bias. We can’t really help it. Our brains make up rules to help us figure out how the world works, but those rules can be examined and broken, if necessary. The rules we live by are ours to create. Create a strong set of values for yourself and stop giving a fuck what anyone else thinks. I promise that putting yourself first won’t make you selfish. It will help you serve others from a place of fulfillment. Be the trailblazer who puts themselves first. Slow and sure progress will help you to move forward.
What are you going to stop giving a fuck about?? Leave me a comment below and join in on the action 🙂